Welcome to Night Vale.
We start today’s show with some exciting agricultural news. John Peters – you know, the farmer? – said his winter orange crop is outstanding this year! He said there are oranges everywhere! Delicious clementines, juicy Valencias, rich navels, and bold blood oranges.
John said there are so many oranges, “a real bumper crop,” he said. “A real orange-tacular,” he did not say. “A real orange-a-thon,” he never would have said. “A real orange-ocalypse,” he may have thought, but kept to himself.
John, speaking to a pack of local reporters, and backed by a group of farmers wearing black double-breasted suits and red silk ties, said this is the dawning of a new citrus economy in Night Vale.
John said, “Citrus is our future. Citrus holds the key to prosperity. Citrus holds the key to health. One particular orange here literally holds the key to a one-sided door in the middle of the desert. If you find that orange,” John said, “I will pay you dearly for it.”
“Or rather,” John corrected himself, “you will pay dearly for it.”
Then John said, “Either way, whatever. Would love to have that orange, my friend. Would love to have that orange. Yessir!” he punctuated. “Or ma’am. Or neither. I mean, whoever. Sure would love to have that orange,” he chuckled while sweating and adjusting his wooden hat.
John then tossed some oranges to the reporters. The reporters caught the oranges, and then began to disappear. And reappear. Blinking in and out of existence, quickly at first, then slowly, then more out of existence than in, until they were all gone.
More on this story as it develops.